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6.9.3 Envy
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<a name="Topic26"></a>
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<span class=outlineNumberFirst>6.9.3 </span><span class=topicLineFirst>Envy</span>
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<div class="topicTextNotes"><div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="5"><span style="font-size:18pt"><b>The Green-eyed
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monster</b></span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Envy is often associated
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with the color green and is portrayed as 'the green-eyed monster'. It is
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<i>wanting what others have</i>, desiring to possess what they possess. You can be envious of
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tangible and intangible things, including their wealth, their good looks and their innate
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intelligence.</span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Envy is often an
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'identity' thing, as the underlying dynamic is not so much about wanting the
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things they have as <i>wanting to be like them</i>. Envy in such cases becomes generalised, from
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thing to the whole person.</span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Envy can sometimes
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be moderately positive, such as when you grudgingly admire what a friend
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has achieved, but do not like them any less as a result.</span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">The most common
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form of coping with envy is, after recognizing it, taking a philosophical
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approach that says something like 'This is silly. Life is too short to waste my energy on this
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thing'. </span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="5"><span style="font-size:18pt"><b>Envy and jealousy</b></span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Jealousy is slightly
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different from envy as it involves a third party. It can involve potential loss,
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such as when we are jealous when someone threatens to woo away our boyfriend or girlfriend.
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Envy is always about potential gain. </span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Envy and jealousy
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overlap in the scenario where another person is admired by everyone else
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for possessing something. This gives you a 'double whammie' as it means they are both giving
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someone else attention and also not giving you attention. You are envious of the attention that
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they are getting and jealous because you see them 'stealing' that attention from you.</span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="5"><span style="font-size:18pt"><b>Victim games</b></span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">What is happening
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here goes something like this:</span></font><span></span></div>
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<ul style="margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt">
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<ul style="margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt">
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<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; "><font
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face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">I see that you have got something. </span></font><span></span></li>
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<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; "><font
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face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">I see that I do not have that thing and
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hence feel inferior to you. </span></font><span></span></li>
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<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; "><font
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face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">I justify this by making it unfair, that
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I am a victim. </span></font><span></span></li>
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<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; "><font
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face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">This makes you the 'bad guy'. </span></font><span></span></li>
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<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; "><font
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face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">I can now legitimately dislike you, perhaps
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even making <i>you </i>the victim. </span></font><span></span></li>
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</ul>
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</ul>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Notice how we work
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hard to justify to ourselves that feeling envious, an emotion we may
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consider to be generally undesirable, is in fact ok for us to feel in these 'special' cases.</span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Sometimes we even <i>retrospectively </i>create
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envy when something bad happens to other
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people, so we can say 'they deserved it'. Again, this is all about justifying to ourselves that we
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can feel bad about other people.</span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="5"><span style="font-size:18pt"><b>Schadenfreude</b></span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">This is a German
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word that describes how we often cope with envy. It is the gloating feeling we
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get when we enjoy seeing another person suffer. We particularly seek schadenfreude in people
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we envy, an emotion which the press tap when they publish stories of the woes of the rich and
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famous.</span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="6"><span style="font-size:24pt"><b>So what?</b></span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">To create envy
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in a person, point out what other people have that they do not. Emphasise the
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bad qualities of the other people to allow the person to legitimise their feelings of envy.</span></font><span></span></div>
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<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">You can also create
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envy of yourself by showing off. Avoid the backlash by doing this subtly.
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Done with care, this makes the other person want to <i>be like </i>you and hence <i>like </i>you.</span></font><span></span></div></div>
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<span>Last updated:</span>
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<span>19-8-2005</span>
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