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<div class="contactInformation">Mob.: +31 (0)6 295 26 884&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="mailto:paul.jansen@pibuckle.com">paul.jansen@pibuckle.com</a></div>
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6.9.5 Love
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<span class=outlineNumberFirst>6.9.5 </span><span class=topicLineFirst>Love</span>
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<div class="topicTextNotes"><div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="5"><span style="font-size:18pt"><b>Description</b></span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Love is a massive
motivator and can lead people to perform all kinds of self- sacrificial acts. </span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Three styles of
love are (Sternberg):</span></font><span></span></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt">
<ul style="margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt">
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Intimacy</i>: Closeness to, and liking
of, the other person. </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Passion</i>: Intense longing and physiological
arousal. Ecstasy on reciprocation, despair
on rejection. </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Commitment</i>: The readiness to do
anything for the sake of the love. </span></font><span></span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">These combine to
create seven styles:</span></font><span></span></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt">
<ul style="margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt">
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Liking</i>: Intimacy alone </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Infatuation</i>: Passion alone </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Empty love</i>: Commitment alone </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Romantic love</i>: Passion + Intimacy. </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Companionate love</i>: Intimacy + Commitment </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Fatuous love</i>: Passion + Commitment </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Consummate love</i>: Intimacy + Passion
+ Commitment </span></font><span></span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">The games of love
are played on six different stages, and individuals will have preferred modes
(Lee):</span></font><span></span></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt">
<ul style="margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt">
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Eros</i>: Passionate and physical. Looks
are important. </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Ludus</i>: love as a non-serious game.
Harm is not intended but often happens. </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Storge</i>: slow-growing, evolving out
of friendship and affection. Similarity is important. </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Pragma</i>: Commonsense and pragmatic.
Known conditions must be met. </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Mania</i>: An emotional roller-coaster.
Stereotyped romantic love. </span></font><span></span></li>
<li style="margin-left=-3mm; margin-right=0mm; padding-left=0mm; font-family= Times New Roman; font-size= 12pt; font-style= italic; "><font
face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt"><i>Agape</i>: Unselfish and giving. Spiritual
and other-focused. </span></font><span></span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="5"><span style="font-size:18pt"><b>Example</b></span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Many romantic mismatches
occur when partners both state their love for one another, but each
is talking about a different style of love. Maybe you have experience of this? </span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="5"><span style="font-size:18pt"><b>So what?</b></span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="4"><span style="font-size:14pt"><b>Using it</b></span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">If you want blind
followers, look good and build a passionate image. Otherwise find the history
of love of the other person and play to their needs.</span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Great sales people
know that the true secret is to love both their products and their customers.
They also know that true love binds, and devious trickery is out of the question.</span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="4"><span style="font-size:14pt"><b>Defending</b></span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">If you dive into
love heart first, pause first and ask whether the other person is truly committed.
Beware of blind love. Love can be the best thing ever, but also know that love hurts, especially
when betrayed.</span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="5"><span style="font-size:18pt"><b>References</b></span></font><span></span></div>
<div align="left"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size:12pt">Hendrick and Hendrick
(1986, 1992), Lee (1973, 1988), Sternberg and Barnes (1988)</span></font><span></span></div></div>
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<div class="footerText">Dissertation of Paul L. Jansen Ph.D., MBA</div>
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<a href="http://www.pibuckle.com" target="_blank">Part of the Pibuckle website</a>
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<span>Last updated:</span>
<span>19-8-2005</span>
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